Friday, July 25, 2014

A Few Bits About What's Been Happening / LOTSOFPICTURES!!!

I won't even do that whole, "I can't believe it's been so long since I've posted anything…blah, blah, blah…" because, frankly, I CAN believe it's been so long.

I thought that I was busy with Ezra.  And I really was.  But shit, man.  Two is different.  Two is tiring.  Two is guilt-ridden over spending so much less time with my oldest.  Two is mind-numbingly hard to juggle now that Penny is everywhere.  Two is fun.  Two is heartwarming when they're being so sweet to each other.  Two is pretty great :-)

I actually have guilt (when I'm lying in bed and can't sleep for one of the million reasons) over not updating as frequently as I did when Ez was a baby.  I love that I have so many memories captured here of his first two years.  I just cannot seem to find the right time to sit down and get it all out anymore.  Ezra is a very intense little boy and Penny is about as feisty as they come.  She started crawling at a break-neck speed a couple weeks ago and also will pull up and try cruising on just about every vertical surface of the house.  This has greatly changed my routine (if you can even call it that), as now I have roughly 12 seconds to run out of a room, grab whatever I needed, and run back before she's either right behind me, in the bathroom (seriously?  why does she always go into the bathroom??) or lying on her back, screaming because she fell down.  Oh, or eating a shoe.  Or whatever else she finds on the floor.  Man, this kid is into everything.

Meanwhile, my relationship with Ezra has taken a couple baby-steps forward.  I know it's going to take awhile, but I just miss my boy.  Between our summer in Maine last year, the arrival of Penny…and the subsequent loss of our one-on-one time, things between us have really been bad.  It was always just me & my Ez, all day long.  He only wanted Mommy for everything.  I welcomed his acceptance of Jordan into some activities before Penny was born.  I needed the help.  But it went from all to nothing, really quickly.  I was consumed with caring for Penny.  Oh, I still did things for him…but our fun time was gone.  And I was exhausted.  And overcome with the grief over losing my Dad that I'd fought so long to push aside.  It was just easier to let him slide right over to Jordan…but it broke my heart to see him go.  It makes me cry when I think about how I haven't been WITH him for these past several months.  He's a great kid.  He's so smart and jesus…he's hilarious.  And sweet.  So, I've been working on being better for him.  Listening better, speaking better, loving better.  And I think it's helping.

Also, Penny is getting to a point where I can leave her with Jordan for a short period and Ez & I can just be together.  We haven't done it yet, but I think it should happen soon.  Penny is a great baby and, when she isn't cutting new teeth (she has 4!!), she's pretty easy.  So, I'm really looking forward to that.  We have little glimpses, here and there, of our old selves…running around at a playground, etc…and it really makes me wish we had more of it.

I'm planning the kids' birthday party.  Oh.My.God.  My baby is now a big boy and is turning 4 (what?!) and my new baby is turning 1!  Holy shit, y'all.
So, in the spirit of making things easier, I'm planning a joint birthday party for them.  Because, let's face it…it's the same people that would attend both parties AND they're birthdays are 4 days apart.  I've only got a year or, maybe two, of combined parties…so I'd better take advantage.
Anyways, Ez has changed his mind on his party 'theme' a few times now.  It started off as a Thomas the Train party.  Then, it was a Lego party.  Now, it's a Frozen party.  He'd seen the movie once when he made this decision.  Actually, he'd seen about half of the movie…the other half was spent playing on the playground nearby (it was a movie-in-the-park put on by our friends).  I was a bit surprised, but quickly learned that it's because he's IN LOVE with Anna in the movie.  He gets all bashful and cute when she comes on or when I ask him about her.  It's too much.  I can barely handle how cute it is :-)

For all your hard work, reading my poorly-written, meandering thoughts…here's a bunch of pictures of those sweet, awesome kids…totally out of chronological order…but dammit, here they are.